Although passive-aggressive behavior is not considered a mental illness, it can be a symptom of other mental health conditions. Mental illnesses like depression and anxiety, which are often discussed on PsychPlus, can make it harder to express yourself and communicate productively. Because of this, people with these conditions might act in passive-aggressive ways.
What is Passive Aggressive Behavior
Most people use the term “Passive-aggressive” when they are observing patterns of negative behavior, hidden in a positive approach. For example, a person saying one thing (“Sure, I’m happy to go along to the fair”) while actively working to avoid going, in this case, to the fair. This creates a cross current of confusion and dysfunction.
Passive aggression can take the form of physical or verbal behavior. Procrastinating, for example, is another form of exhibiting passive-aggressive behavior. Someone might procrastinate on work that they agreed to complete, causing frustration in the team and reduced productivity.
More examples to look out for:
Silent Treatment: Withdrawing or ignoring someone to show displeasure.
Sarcasm or Backhanded Compliments: Offering comments that appear positive on the surface but carry a sting.
Procrastination or Sabotage: Deliberately delaying tasks or performing them poorly to express resentment.
Intentional Forgetfulness: Failing to remember obligations or commitments out of defiance.
Mental Health Conditions Associated with Passive-Aggressive Behavior
As previously mentioned, conditions like depression and anxiety can make expressing emotions and communicating in a healthy way challenging. Let’s dive deeper into how being passive-agressive can be a coping mechanism for, or a symptom of, different types of mental illness.
Depression: Individuals struggling with depression may find it difficult to express negative emotions directly, resorting to passive-aggressiveness as a defense mechanism. Irritability, frustration, and withdrawal are common features in depressive episodes.
Anxiety: Anxiety can make it challenging to confront people or situations directly. The fear of conflict or negative outcomes may lead anxious individuals to express themselves through passive means.
Personality Disorders: People with certain personality disorders, such as Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) or Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), may exhibit passive-aggressive behaviors, especially when dealing with perceived rejection or criticism. The inability to handle intense emotions directly can result in indirect expressions of anger or resentment.
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): Trauma survivors, particularly those with interpersonal trauma, may use passive-aggressive behavior as a survival tactic. Difficulty in trusting others and fear of confrontation can lead to suppressed emotions manifesting in passive ways.
Dysthymia (Persistent Depressive Disorder): Individuals with chronic, low-level depression may consistently express dissatisfaction or frustration through passive-aggressive behavior as a way to cope with long-term emotional distress.
Why Passive-Aggressiveness Is a Problem
While it might seem like a mild issue, passive-aggressive behavior can create a toxic environment for both the individual exhibiting it and those around them. It undermines communication, builds resentment, and erodes trust. The indirect nature of this behavior often leaves the other party confused, frustrated, or guilty, while the person exhibiting it may feel misunderstood or unheard.
The cycle perpetuates itself because passive-aggressive behavior never addresses the root of the issue, leaving both parties dissatisfied. Over time, it can damage personal relationships, hinder workplace success, and worsen the mental health of the person displaying these behaviors. If you or someone you know is struggling with these challenges, it might be time to seek professional help.
How to Cope with Passive-Aggressive Behavior
For the Person Exhibiting Passive-Aggressiveness:
- Recognize Your Patterns: The first step is self-awareness. Pay attention to your emotional responses, especially when you feel angry, frustrated, or powerless. Notice when you use sarcasm, avoidance, or procrastination to express yourself indirectly.
- Explore the Root Cause: Understand that your passive-aggressiveness might be rooted in deeper feelings like fear, resentment, or insecurity. Is there a specific trigger or unresolved issue contributing to your behavior?
- Develop Healthy Communication: Learn to express your emotions directly but respectfully. If you feel uncomfortable with confrontation, practice asserting yourself in non-threatening ways, such as using “I” statements: “I feel frustrated when…”
- Seek Therapy: Working with a therapist can help address any underlying mental health conditions like anxiety or depression, and provide tools for healthier emotional expression. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), for example, can be particularly helpful in recognizing and changing passive-aggressive tendencies.
For Those Coping with Passive-Aggressive Behavior in Others:
- Set Boundaries: Don’t accept passive-aggressive behavior as normal. Gently confront the issue by addressing the behavior directly. For example, “I noticed you’ve been avoiding discussing this issue. Can we talk about what’s bothering you?”
- Don’t Engage in the Game: It’s easy to get pulled into the passive-aggressive cycle, but engaging in similar behavior won’t solve the issue. Stay calm, be direct, and avoid reacting with frustration or sarcasm.
- Encourage Open Dialogue: Create an environment where the person feels safe to express their emotions. Ask open-ended questions like, “What are you really feeling?” This helps reduce defensiveness and opens the door to healthier communication.
- Seek Support: If the passive-aggressive behavior is ongoing and affecting your well-being, consider seeking guidance from a counselor or therapist, particularly if the behavior is rooted in a larger mental health issue. Sometimes a neutral third party can help mediate these complex emotions.
Conclusion
While passive-aggressive behavior can be frustrating to deal with, it’s important to recognize that it can also be a sign of underlying mental health struggles. In some cases, it may be linked to conditions like Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), where emotional regulation and communication can become particularly challenging. By identifying the root causes of passive-aggressiveness and addressing them with compassion, we can break the cycle of indirect communication and build stronger, healthier relationships.
If you or someone you know is struggling with passive-aggressive behavior that may be linked to mental illness, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Healing begins with understanding, and with the right tools and support, it’s possible to foster healthier ways of expressing emotions.
